Falling asleep

This is one of the few nights that I have slept alone in the past 9 months. It reminds me of other nights I slept alone, many nights, all those years of being single. And it reminds me of the nights I came to visit Mom, before and after I moved back to Texas. I like sleeping on the couch in my mom's office. It's cozy. The back of the couch curves around my own back, like a spoon, like a body, like my husband. I never used to mind going to bed alone, never had a problem falling asleep. Later, when I'd wake up at 3 a.m., that was when the aloneness hit me. There's nothing lonelier than 3 a.m. Now, I find that I still don't mind falling asleep alone. At least not on this couch. But I'd rather not make it a habit. I fall asleep best when my husband curls around me like this couch, his arms circling me, lips against my hair. Even his snoring is a welcomed disturbance over utter cold silence. When I wake at 3 a.m., he is there. Sometimes snoring, sometimes not, but he is there.