Written words on the written word

Since I'm laying off Facebook for a while, I guess I will just put my thoughts here instead.
It really feels good to not be stuck in Facebook all the time. It almost feels like a job to me. I am so tied to it, to posting every little thought, feeling so responsible for "liking" and commenting on other people's posts. I'm sick of it, actually. So I don't miss it. Not at all. I actually feel free, really free.
I'm even considering turning off the texting feature on my phone. I'm sick of that too. Lately, it seems to just be a bearer of mean, hateful, hurtful words, for both Chuck and I. It's so weird. I always wonder what God is trying to show me when something like that happens. Maybe he is showing us to turn off the damn text messaging. If people have something they want to say to us, they can call and talk to us. Or call and leave a message. They will be less likely to go off and say hateful things that way, I think. That is just the nature of some people. Me, I don't like to attack people through text or email. It's not really fair to them. And of course, it always opens the door for them to attack in return. So no thank you. I've had it happen to me too many times, and let me tell you, words that are written seem to last much longer than words that are spoken. It's like a permanent record of sentiment, unlike spoken words. Now, I admit that spoken words can be just as harmful. But they are less permanent, I think, in the spiritual realm. They are spoken and then carried off on the wind. Easier to brush off. Or maybe it's just me. I learn best through reading. Lectures and sermons and audio instruction just bounce off of me and are not absorbed. So I guess it stands to reason that the written word would have better chance of sinking into my soul and digging tenterhooks deep into my heart.
They hurt me, people. They do. And I never forget. I may forgive, but I will never forget.
Sometimes I feel like a little girl who always tries to do good but is constantly punished for things she does not understand. I often wonder if I am just delusional about the kind of person that I think I am. Maybe I really am a terrible person who deserves to be hurt and mistreated. I don't want to sound like a victim or a martyr here. I really don't. I NEVER want to play the role of victim, because I'm stronger than that. But I AM vulnerable, especially around the people I love the most. I have an open heart and an open mind, and I think both of those traits make me more vulnerable than not.
But honestly, I do strive, all the time and all my life, to be good to people, to treat them well and to be sensitive of their needs. I have always tried to be the kind of mother that each of my children have needed. I tried to see them as they are, with their different personalities and needs, and I tried to meet them there, wherever they were, instead of making them come to me. Maybe that was wrong. Maybe I screwed up. Sometimes I think I did have it all wrong. Sometimes I feel like I wasted so much of my life trying to be what everybody needed me to be, that I never gave them the chance to love me and accept me as the person that I really am. But then....I myself didn't even know, love or accept the "real me" until just a few years ago. So how could they?
Oh God, I don't know. I just don't know. Sometimes that's all I can say.