In Search of Outside Influences

My motivation sucks.
I just need to get that out in the open.
Apparently, there are certain "outside influences" that have to be in place before I am motivated to do anything productive. I'm not sure exactly what those outside influences are, so I guess that's the problem
Even writing this little bit makes me want to puke. I want to go back to the couch. Oh lord.


Ok, everyone, please bear with me while I do some train-of-thought writing here. It's a great writing exercise that usually works when all else fails. Some of my best stuff has come out of train-of-thought.


Here goes....


Blah, blah, blah. Mushy brain. One extreme to the other. Josh Kelley. This music reminds me of the house on 3rd Avenue. I didn't live there very long, but for some reason I have lots of fond memories of that house, most of which are triggered by music. I think I am missing snow. I always felt like snow was therapeutic to me. I can't really explain why, and most people think I'm crazy for loving it so much. But I love extremes of all kinds. I am happiest when things in my life are not static. That doesn't mean I love chaos, I prefer to think of it as not willing to settle for the norm or for standing still. I want to be ever-changing and growing and improving, as a person, and I want my life to be the same. I like to live for the day, in a sense. I know I could be gone tomorrow or next week or next month - anything can happen. So why waste my life away working a job that is killing me or being with someone who does not appreciate me and love me for everything that I am? I guess that's why I'm where I am today, right here, right now. Never willing to settle.


And more blah, blah, blah. Funny how my brain just hits these walls of nothing. Just blanks. I'll be rolling along and then, nothing.


I'll try again later.


But in the meantime, here are some random photos that I found on my computer, for your viewing pleasure.

Crazy night in San Antonio - Feb. 2007. That guy Glennie was stationed with in Germany (can't remember his name but his ex-wife's name is Essie!), Bill, Jess, Lacey and Tay.

Hanging out in a mountain meadow near Dunton, CO. - Sept. 2007

My sweet boy Bradley back in the day - 2002 or 2003.

Steph, Tay and I (and some very red lipstick) - fall 1996 - Crockett, TX